What a girl wants

I had a picture for myself where I get up in the morning in my big shot apartment in New York, go for a jog, get dressed in the best clothes, carry branded bags and walk out like a boss. I dreamed of going to the best office in the city with everyone hustling around you and managing my work like a professional. (If you have seen this movie ‘Devil wears Prada’ you will get an idea what I am talking about) This was my dream.

But have you ever wondered if everything you have aspired or dreamed about will be enough to make you happy?

For example, getting the best job in the market or marrying the love of your life or achieving those bucket list items you made when you were a kid. We move from one thing to another. Keep running and  keep jumping. I was watching this Ranbir- Deepika movie Tamasha where these two idiots decide to hide their identity and discover this new city as complete strangers where they get a clean slate, no expectations, no judgements, no strings. Is that what we long for? Running away from the reality and pretending to be someone we are not?

Let me give you a background of my story and the reason why I feel this way.

I am an average student. I scored very less in my 12 but I was lucky enough to get a seat in a good engineering college. I promised my parents I will work hard and make them proud but I got a KT (failed one paper) in my second trimester but what hit me was I was the only person in my class to get a KT. That was the first time my parents actually asked me if I was really wanted to go ahead with engineering and I had no answer because like majority, I was clueless about my future. I wanted to make something out of my life but I didn’t know what to do. So, I thought let me give this a try, I worked my ass off in the next trimester and topped in one of the subjects and managed to secure a rank in the top 5 (I am kinda smart :P) and gradually took interest in my field. I was not a coder or technical person but I knew I could talk my way out of viva or project presentations. Our placement season started and I again ended up jobless (because my technical skills were not good). I had hit rock bottom thinking I have just been a big failure, disappointing my parents and myself but I never stopped trying. I used to go for interviews alone, apply everyday and I was working on all my weak areas. FINALLY I GOT A JOB!! It was the shittiest job I had ever done and was nothing compared to the life I wanted but I did it anyway. I used to cry in the train on my way to work thinking I have lost in life and everyday I would say to myself that I am going to quit today. This thing went on for four months until I got an interview call from one of the Big 4s and within a week I was asked to join. So my work had nothing to do with the developer/tester/implementor part but to monitor their process and find the loopholes in them. I loved my job and I had got my dream. I was travelling to a new city every week, I was wearing skirts and formals and heels and everything. I was happy. I had a very good social circle to interact and my life was like my dream (except for the New York part) but after two years I couldn’t bear it. Now again I started crying and whining about my job and everyone around me started to think that this girl can never be happy with what she has. It’s true!

I am a career oriented girl. I knew I had to get a job, work my ass off and spend only when I know I am going to save something (Thanks to my parents) and I am tough like that. But I  I can’t see myself settled with one dream or one position. After two years, I was bored and I wanted to explore something else. I had the best job, colleagues and good money but that wasn’t enough for me and I don’t think any of us should feel settled in their life. I believe that we can’t predict if things are going to work out according to our plan. The hot-shot job made me happy but it didn’t keep me happy after a point of time.

We all grow out of the comfort zone but not all of us are bold or strong to take a step back and understand what’s going wrong.

I am not saying I am a daredevil but I don’t want to escape from reality like Ranbir in Tamasha because I am frustrated but I want to let go of things that don’t make me happy. If you are not happy about something change it, replace it, thrash it but don’t get comfortable with it. If that something is not making you get out of your bed everyday then your time is too precious to waste.

So I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. Make it count.

P.S.- I have quit my job and I am shifting to Boston for my Masters in August.

Keep Moving! 🙂








Kar Gayi Chul!!!

So most of the Indian crowd knows this song and how Alia Bhatt gives us the perfect step for a stoner dance but not many know the meaning of ‘kar gayi chul’. The keeda to make it big is what every 20 something is thinking about.

Lately everyone around me is only talking about ‘Startups’, even my watchman talks about starting his own security agency. These days if you don’t have a unique idea or you dont have “plans of starting your own business” you are considered as an outsider. Almost all my friends want to be young entrepreneurs, make a hit business and earn big bucks but are we following the crowd by doing this?

I asked myself this question when I came across this guy from my workplace who is content with what he has, what he earns and what he wants. He is independent, about to get married and has a good job with a great pay but because everyone around him keeps talking about starting their own business even he wants to do something of his own. Maybe he always wanted to do this or maybe he got influenced by all the office talks but when I asked him why he wants to start his own thing? He gave me a bullshit answer “Kitne time naukri karu and yeh managers ka sunu”. (Why I am saying its bullshit, because he has a chilled manager, best rating in the team and he enjoys working). I knew it was peer pressure that is driving him to think in this direction. He just wants to fit in. Sometimes it’s not just the kids and teens who stumble because of the “hot trend” even adults fall for it.

Leading your own way and coming out of the bubble, following the trend of starting your own business like your peers and colleagues is not a bad thing but doing something because your best friend or your idol is doing it is not a healthy way to live. Its okay if you like working for someone, staying in the service sector and working 9 to 5. ITS OKAY. As long as you are happy with what you are doing, it’s completely okay.

A chocolate can be a treat for a beggar and a mere snack for you. Everyone has a different way of perceiving things in life. Not everything has to be done according to the trend that’s being followed.

All I want to say is have faith in yourself and don’t get carried away with someone else’s thoughts and dreams.

P.S. – Even I aspire to be an entrepreneur some day in the food or health sector. I don’t have an idea yet but I know that I am the kind of person who likes to be their own boss. So till then I am going to work as a corporate slave and gain experience, knowledge and build on my dreams but I have made a promise to myself that the day I get my inspiration to do something on my own, I am going to take that leap of faith and discover my potential.

Keep Dreaming! 🙂

uttam and art